The fine line between product narcissism and product intuition
In 2014, Facebook made one of its most controversial product decisions: they ripped out the messaging feature from the core Facebook app and forced users to download a standalone app - Facebook Messenger.
At the time, it felt like pure tech arrogance. A self-important product decision, with zero regard for user friction.
Users hated it. The media raged. Critics labeled it tone-deaf. Why fix what isn’t broken?
Fast forward a few years: Facebook Messenger exploded from 200 million to 1.5 billion monthly users - a 6.5x growth. Messaging became a dominant product line. In hindsight, the move wasn’t just smart, it was necessary.
So… was it product narcissism? Or product intuition?
That question sits at the heart of modern product development.
Intuition vs. narcissism. The tightrope of product leadership
Product intuition is the muscle product leaders develop after years of absorbing data, user signals, and market dynamics. It’s the ability to make good decisions even when information is incomplete.
Product narcissism, on the other hand, is ego masquerading as vision. It’s when product decisions are driven by internal politics, founder instincts, or the personal preferences of those too removed from the customer.
The danger? From the outside, both can look identical. They’re both bold. They’re both opinionated. But only one leads to long-term value.
Facebook’s decision to split out Messenger looked narcissistic, until it became clear it was driven by emerging user behaviors, competitive threats, and long-term product strategy. It wasn't done to flex. It was done to survive.
How narcissism creeps in (and feels like intuition)
Here’s how product narcissism quietly takes over:
- Ego-Driven Decisions
Choices are made based on what we want to build, not what users need. Features reflect internal structure, not external value. - Secondhand Feedback Reliance
PMs stop talking directly to users. They rely on filtered research decks or NPS summaries, and lose the nuance of real user pain. - Stakeholder Sway
Sales wants a shiny demo feature. Legal wants compliance baked into onboarding. Marketing wants a pop-up. None of this is wrong - until it dilutes product focus.
As Ravi Mehta (former product responsible at Tinder, Facebook & TripAdvisor) puts it:
“If you try to make everyone happy, you'll end up with a product that tries to do too much. As a product leader, your first instinct shouldn't be to compromise.”
That instinct - to hold the line - is the backbone of intuition. But it needs to be tethered to real user insight, not internal noise.
Building product intuition without becoming a narcissist
So, how do PMs build sharp product instincts without sliding into ego-driven decisions?
Here are the levers:
- Create a feedback river
Build a system that pulls in signals from multiple sources — support tickets, user interviews, analytics, sales calls. Synthesize, don’t cherry-pick. - Talk to real users (often)
Firsthand exposure isn’t optional. Zoom out of your dashboards and into user conversations. It rewires your instincts. - Build a culture of re-evaluation
Make post-launch check-ins a ritual. Set metrics before launch. Revisit them. Ask: is this working? Not: is this done?
- Be opinionated. But evidence-backed
Opinionated leadership doesn’t mean ignoring feedback. It means curating the right signals and having the guts to act decisively.
Final thought: Intuition is earned, narcissism is assumed
The difference between intuition and narcissism isn’t the boldness of the decision -it’s what informs it and how it's followed through.
Facebook made a hard call. But it wasn’t reckless. It was informed by trends, competition, and a vision for the future of messaging. They built it. Launched it. Measured it. Then scaled it.
If you’re a PM, the challenge isn’t just to make great bets. It’s to revisit them, listen deeply, and never stop learning. Because product intuition? It’s not a gift. It’s a habit.
🚀 Ready to build with intuition - not ego?
At bontiq, we help product teams cut through noise, validate bold ideas, and avoid the ego traps that kill great products.
Whether you're scaling fast or shipping your first version, we’ll help you build with clarity and confidence. Let’s make your next product decision your smartest one.
